


Queen chat

by NoHoJim



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chatting & Messaging, Coming Out, Drinking, F/M, M/M, chat fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-08 04:34:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 11,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18887269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoHoJim/pseuds/NoHoJim
Summary: A queen group chat because there are not enough around... lolI really enjoy reading them so I decided to post one with the ideas I have. These do come in sequenceJohn: I can cook on Wednesdays. Also I make a lot of cheese on toast so i can make that for you guysFreddie:we're on me!!!Roger: Freddie just say what you gotta sayBrian: Freddie I'm sure it's not as important as you're building it up to beFreddie: this is very importantRoger: yeah but you said that about the time with the dress...Freddie: shut up right now Taylor!





	1. Coming out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freddie wants to finally tell his friends about his sexuality. Unfortunately his friends have incredibly short attention spans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know... how original

Sunday

Freddie: I have to tell you guys something...  
John: What is it?  
Brian: Not again  
Freddie: hold on I'm typing Jesus  
John: It's ok Fred  
Roger: Is it about last night cause I don't remember  
Brian: *?*  
Roger: fuk of brain  
John: Freddie? It's ok you can tell us  
Freddie: I'm fucking trying...  
Roger: look I'm sorry but I really cannot remember  
Brian: Roger you fucking twit  
Freddie: roger you didn't do anything well you did but that's not the point you were just drunk  
Brian: I think we should move in since Tim's gone  
Roger: ye John should move in  
John: I'll talk to my landlord  
Freddie: guys I have something important to tell you!!  
Brian: yeah, but that was going nowhere just tell us  
Roger: if he moves in is he gonna cook on Wednesdays?? Cause I've been not eating on Wednesdays since tim left  
John: I can cook on Wednesdays. Also I make a lot of cheese on toast so i can make that for you guys  
Freddie:we're on me!!!  
Roger: Freddie just say what you gotta say  
Brian: Freddie I'm sure it's not as important as you're building it up to be  
Freddie: this is very important  
Roger: yeah but you said that about the time with the dress...  
Freddie: shut up right now Taylor!!!  
John: ??? Wtf  
Roger: ;)  
Freddie: Ok nobody type for like a minute while I say my shit  
Roger: ok Fred  
John: yes  
Brian: my fingers will not type another word  
Roger: freaky fingers...  
Brian: ew don't say that  
Freddie: guys!!!  
Brian: sorry  
Roger: is this gonna take a while  
Freddie: right so many of you may have wondered where I'd been going at the weekends and i haven't been honest with you  
Roger: I never wondered  
Brian: LIAR!!!! father forgive me *insert guitar solo*  
John:guys...  
Roger: also Fred there's literally 3 of us so not sure if that counts as 'many'  
Freddie: so for quite a while I've been going to clubs that you guys aren't familiar with and making new 'friends'  
Roger: I don't think police officers count as friends fred  
Freddie: that was one time!!  
Freddie: I've really been questioning myself and I think I might be interested in men  
Brian: do you mean psychology??? I have some books also if you haven't read Jekyll and Hyde, really good analysis of human psyche  
Freddie: No Brian! I mean I'm gay  
Brian: OH! What a shock!  
Brian: I'm really shocked! Wow I'm gonna have to think about how I feel about this! Wow this is all so sudden!  
John: that's ok Freddie we support you  
Brian: I don't know how I feel I'm just so shocked!  
Freddie: you fucking knew didn't you Brian!!!!  
Brian: what??? I'm shocked 😱  
Freddie: I see through you May!  
Brian: It wasn't my fault I knew! You need to lock your door sometimes  
Freddie: WTF!!! What did you see???  
Brian: don't make me relive it!!! I'm scarred  
John: Oh God maybe I shouldn't live with you guys  
Freddie: that's ok John you probably knock before entering because you're polite  
Brian: seriously Fred it's ok we don't see you differently  
John: yeah it's fine  
Brian: just lock the door...  
Freddie: stop making it my fault! Roger is way worse I have walked in on him so many times!!! At least I have sex in my bedroom  
John: burn.  
Brian: Where is Roger  
John: he read Fred's announcement... but didn't reply  
Freddie: oh no he hates me!!!! I've ruined the band!!!!  
Brian: calm down Roger's seen you do gayer shit than sucking dick  
Freddie: Brian!!!! In front of Deaky!!!!  
Freddie: also if Rog told you about the dress incident I swear to God!!!!  
Brian: geez calm down I'm referring to the Professor Hornby incident  
Freddie: it was an after school ART LESSON!!!!  
John: Fred it was pretty gay. And that's ok  
Brian: lol  
Freddie: seriously where is Roger  
Brian: ROGER  
John: Roger...  
Brian: BLONDE SLUT!!!! I SUMMON THEE  
Freddie: Roger I'm sorry!!! I promise I will never touch your bum  
John: Roger please reply  
Brian: ROGER COME BACK TO US  
Brian: ROGER  
Brian: ROGER  
Brian: ROGER  
Brian: ROGER  
Freddie: oh dear I've broken up the band. Roger if youre worried I will never be attracted to you. I will only date old black haired men with beards...  
John: I'm sure that's not what this is about Freddie  
Brian: ROGER  
Brian: ROGER  
Brian: ROGER  
Roger: what's this I hear about Freddie never being attracted to me? Am I ugly?  
Brian: Roger!!! Fucking finally  
John: I was worried you were mad about Fred!! You left him on read  
Brian: yeah you bitch!!!  
Roger: sorry there was some drama I had to attend to  
Freddie: more important than me!!!  
Roger: I already knew you were gay anyway just didn't know you were a practicing homosexual  
Freddie: If you are about to mention the dress incident!!!  
Roger: no... lol  
John: I wanna know what happened?  
Brian: so do I Johnny boy, so do I...  
Roger: I'm sworn to secrecy  
Freddie: don't you forget it  
Brian: I mean I could guess by the title 'dress incident'not very subtle  
Roger: no you fucking cannot!!!! Lol  
Freddie: I put my trust in you blondie don't break it  
Roger: don't worry Fred between you me and Proffessor Hornby  
Brian: OMG!!! was he involved  
Freddie: no Roger just thinks he's funny

Roger: I'm adding him to tge chat  
Brian: are you drunk???  
Roger: ir was one typo clam down  
John: um that was another two  
Brian: where are you?  
Freddie: we're both homw  
John: -_-  
Brian: so you're both drunk  
Roger: we ghave ti selebrat freddies cpme oyt  
Roger: *cpming*  
Brian: that's the least of your problems Roger  
___Roger added @StHornby to the chat___  
Freddie: helloe profrros  
Steve: hello Freddie  
Roger: hrloo profferos horny  
Roger: lol horny  
Brian: I'm sorry Professor  
Steve: that's ok this happens surprisingly often  
Freddie: John if yoi move in ou have to by is alcohle becaus we ler yoi in thw palacr of Frwddies solitude  
Freddie: I'm lonely  
Brian: Freddie go to bed you're drunk!  
John: it's ok Fred you have us  
Steve: Freddie you can come to art club whenever you want  
Roger:;;;;;;;;;)))))))))  
Freddie: cant gk to bed have a duck mrrtindd in too hprs  
Brian: I don't know what that was meant to say but please stop  
Roger: am I uglu???,?  
John: Roger you literally have 3 girlfriends...  
Roger: no 2. One btke up wirh mr tody  
Brian: oh that was the drama... it was probably for the best 3 is a bit much  
Freddie: youre not ughy rohet I th9ught you hated me si i saud i obly date old meb si you woulfnt hate me  
Roger: awww frddiie!!!! I loive you!!!!  
Brian: seriously you need to go to bed I'm thirty minutes away if you're not in bed when I get back I'll...  
Roger: he's gonma pinish us frd  
Freddie: spank me dadddu  
Brian: omg go to bed  
John: lol  
Freddie: roges gobe to bed  
John: I'm going to bed now. Night Freddie remember we love you no matter what  
Brian: go to bed Fred  
Brian: night John  
Freddie: k srly cannot im giong out fo meet a guy ib a fanvy hotel  
Brian: fucking go to bed. Call him to go out tomorrow or something  
Freddie: I'm calliug him ti have phoe sex you cannot sfkp ne  
Brian: i give up  
Freddie: haha I win  
Freddie: I'm going to bud ndk. Nighy daddy  
Brian: why do I bother???  
Steve: well goodnight. Nice to know you're the responsible one. See you in class tomorrow Freddie  
Freddie: goodnyyt profesore horny  
Roger: hwo ckll os proffersi Homry  
Brian: fucking go to bed!!!! I forgot he was in the chat and now you've embarrassed yourselves


	2. Where's Freddie?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story continues

Monday

___ Roger removed @StHornby from the chat ___  
Roger: oops lol  
Freddie: I have to see him in two hours  
Roger:you really should find some way to make it up to him ;)  
Brian: I hope you're proud  
Brian: lol  
Roger: professor horny is pretty cool tho  
Freddie: yeah and he's nice inviting me to art. You perverts just twist it  
Roger: kinda like how he twisted your paintbrush ;)  
Brian: lol  
Freddie: thank you for looking after us Bri  
Roger: I threw up and he held back my hair  
Freddie: wow what a gentleman  
Brian: alright you fucking idiots  
___Freddie changed Brian's name to daddy 2___  
Roger: 2?  
Freddie: I already have a daddy on my phone  
Roger: aaaaaahhh ew  
Freddie: lol you would not want me getting you confused  
Roger: I'm glad you're gay now i was saying to Deaky that I wanted a gay friend  
Daddy2: why?  
John: I can confirm he did say that  
Freddie: morning John  
Daddy2: i repeat why?  
Roger: cause sometimes I have questions that would be weird to ask a straight friend or like if I was gay I'd have someone to get with. Also loads of girls want a gay guy friend so Fred could help me get girls  
Freddie: i feel objectified. Also I would never get with you  
Daddy2: Roger you realise you have asked me some pretty weird shit  
John: also once you asked me to lick your ear so you knew how girls felt when you did it...  
Roger: exactly!!! Next time I'll ask Freddie  
Freddie: what do you want to know?  
Roger: I'll dm you  
Daddy2: Roger I think you are the gay friend...  
Roger: fuck off you virgin  
Roger: not that there's anything wrong with being a virgin Deaky  
John: I'll have you know me and Veronica have gone all the way  
Freddie: that's such a Deaky thing to say. How is she anyways?  
John: good and I haven't got crabs like Roger  
Daddy2: oof Rog  
Roger: I have not!  
John: ik I'm kidding Rog lol  
Daddy2: what he's trying to say Rog is..  
Daddy2: you're a slut  
Roger: My own father!!! How could you say such a thing  
John: where's Fred? This seems like the sort of thing hed want a say in  
Roger: um...  
Daddy2: what did you do?  
Freddie: Roger fucking asked me a question...  
Roger: lol I'm just curious. At least I'm not homophobic you can talk to me like if I was a gaymate  
John: what's a gaymate?  
Roger: when two gay men discuss gay things  
Freddie: that is not a thing shut up Roger  
Roger: all I'm saying is don't be shy  
John: lol  
Roger: I'm being nice!!!  
Daddy2: you're making Freddie uncomfortable stop  
Freddie: gtg bye  
John: see Roger you made him leave  
Roger: no I didn't lol he answered my question anyway  
Daddy2: I feel so bad for Fred  
John: yeah I hate to wonder what Rog asked  
Daddy2: oh my son can be rude sometimes  
Roger: I'm here  
John: yes hopefully he's learnt his lesson  
Daddy2: oh yes quite right  
Roger: alright suck my dick. I'm going too, want me to get anything for later?  
John: buy some toast  
Daddy2: you mean bread...  
John: oh yeah  
Freddie: more booze  
Daddy2: Freddie! I thought you left  
John: where are you Fred?  
Roger: I'm getting cider and bread anything else?  
Freddie: fucking vodka darling!  
Roger: ok  
Daddy2: get humus  
John: Fred are you gonna be in our lecture today?  
Roger: Smirnoff or Absolut?  
Freddie: absolut. Apple  
Daddy2: Fred where are you??  
John: Fred???  
Daddy2: I see how it is you only reply to Roger  
John: is it cause Rog is a gaymate?  
Roger: I'm not gay!!!! I'm just like a gaymate  
Roger: I think it was more the booze he was after anyway. I think he went into uni library  
Daddy2: think he has a boyfriend?  
Roger: why would you assume that?  
Daddy2: idk he must of told us now for a reason and he keeps leaving and shit  
John: he said he was going to clubs though plus he said yesterday he was gonna go yo a fancy hotel  
Roger: what??  
Daddy2: yeah you weren't present for that Roger  
Roger: unacceptable. Maybe he has a sugar daddy  
John: lol  
Daddy2: I cannot imagine Fred as someone's bitch  
Daddy2: he has someone called daddy in his phone  
Roger: interesting 🤔  
John: I thought he meant his ACTUAL father  
Daddy2: lol no  
Roger: his dad is a bunch of random characters lol  
Roger: poor innocent Deaky  
___Roger changed John's name to Deaky___  
Deaky:???  
Roger: we never call you john lol  
Freddie: I am actually in this chat guys. Stop talking about me  
Freddie: also Roger! Those random characters happen to be his name!!!  
Daddy2: oh and he's stopped sulking!!  
Deaky: are you coming to practice today?  
Roger: I am  
Daddy2: same  
Freddie: I'll be late. Am going to art club  
Roger: ;;;;;;;))))))) proffessor horny will be proud  
Freddie: -_- fuck off  
Daddy2: we have a gig at a bar called the golden star week after next  
Freddie: ok we'll decide what to perform tonight  
Roger: Deaky where are you????  
Daddy2: what?  
Freddie: he wants Deaky not you  
Deaky: I'm at uni  
Roger: I thought we were meeting at the bench :(  
Deaky: shit I forgot I was with Veronica  
Roger: now I have to walk by myself  
Freddie: I'll meet you I'm near  
Roger: ok  
Daddy2: wow nobody wanted to invite me to this little meet up...  
Roger: you're with Jake doing science shit  
Deaky: btw my landlord says is ok for me to move in with you guys this week cause my lease is up in a month anyway  
Freddie: cool  
Roger: yay!!! I'll help you move in!!!  
Daddy2: great I'll clean out the stuff Tim left  
Deaky: thanks guys I'll probably move in over the weekend  
Roger: last weekend or next weekend?  
Deaky: um...  
Roger: oh shit.... I forgot we can't do last weekend  
Freddie: yeah we were out and Brian was at his parents  
Deaky: and we can't go back in time....  
Roger: oh no Deaky...  
Freddie: we have to tell him  
Roger: time doesn't exist in this house  
Daddy2: fuck off you two


	3. Teacher fantasy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freddie has a problem which requires some help...

Tuesday

Freddie: I have a fucking problem guys!!!!  
Freddie: I'm panicking!!!!!!!!!  
Freddie: help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please!!!!  
Roger: what is it this time?  
Daddy2: if you are gonna come out again... we all know now  
Freddie: you know the new English proffessor??  
Roger: yea  
Deaky: hello, Freddie what's happening?  
Freddie: I fucking slept with him!!!!! What do I do  
Daddy2: oh shit...  
Roger: why'd you sleep with him??? You fuckwit  
Roger: how big is his cock?  
Freddie: he wasn't our proffessor then!!!! Also he was big the only way I take it ;)  
Deaky: please save this for a private conversation me and Bri do not need to know  
Daddy2: well you're both adults so it shouldn't matter if you slept together before he worked at school  
Freddie: it wasn't exactly vanilla now every time I look at him I see all that shit  
Roger: what did you do????  
Freddie: I'm not telling you  
Roger: Tell me!!!!  
Roger: Tell me!!!!  
Roger: Tell me!!!!  
Deaky: Rog...  
Freddie: just help me!!!!  
Roger: Tell me!!!!  
Roger: Tell me!!!!  
Roger: Tell me!!!!  
Freddie: fuck off  
Roger: Tell me!!!!  
Roger: Tell me!!!!  
Roger: Tell me!!!!  
Roger: Tell me!!!!  
Roger: we are not continue untill you tell me  
Freddie: omg  
Roger: Tell me!!!!  
Roger: Tell me!!!!  
Roger: Tell me!!!!  
Freddie: fucking fisting!!!!! Happy now???  
Roger: lol  
Roger: don't know if I want him marking my work with those hands...  
Daddy2: now I know where they've been I'll never be able to watch him write on the board again  
Freddie: imagine how I feel  
Freddie: you know when you sleep with random people to take your mind off stuff?  
Deaky: no  
Daddy2: no  
Roger: yes  
Freddie: thank you  
Freddie: anyway do you think I should drop the subject now?  
Deaky: maybe go to the office and ask to be moved class  
Daddy2: you could just do the class and never mention it... ever... he probably feels as awkward as you  
Roger: I don't see the problem  
Roger: except Proffessor horny will get jealous  
Freddie: Roger. This is serious  
Roger: I'm serious just have a laugh about it. If you slept with him it shouldn't really effect anything. Plus if you want a shag he's there with the whole teacher fantasy. I always wanted to sleep with a teacher now you've beaten me :(  
Freddie: lol I fucked my geography teacher when I was at boarding school  
Roger: WHAT??? man or woman  
Freddie: man he was like 40...  
Daddy2: you need childline that's illegal  
Freddie: idc lol he was fit  
Daddy2: Freddie... ew  
Freddie: lol  
Roger: how come you always do better than me :(  
Daddy2: at getting taken advantage of by men more than twice his age!!!!  
Freddie: oooooh love it when you talk dirty daddy ;)  
Deaky: why am I in this group?  
Roger: you love us?  
Deaky: no... that's not it....  
Daddy2: for intelligent conversation with fellow intellectuals?  
Roger: lol  
Freddie: my dazzling good looks and massive...  
Daddy2: ...range  
Freddie: I was gonna say cock but we can go with it  
Deaky: haha


	4. Roger's karma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger has messed up... hopefully his great friends can help him out...

Wednesday

Daddy2: Roger? You need to check your snap chat  
Freddie: what did he do  
Freddie: oh dear... I looked  
Roger: SHIT!!!!! SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE SCREENSHOT ALREADY  
Freddie: how did you even do that  
Roger: I was trying to send it to a girl but I obviously didn't  
Daddy2: what girl is gonna want that??  
Roger: fuck off some people aren't lesbians like you  
Deaky: If Brian is a lesbian you are his partner  
Freddie: I'm impressed though dear nice dick  
Freddie: seems kinda like you're utilising angles a bit much  
Roger: go away Freddie not everyone is an expert on dick pics  
Freddie: you're lucky not many girls can tell 🤔  
Roger: my dick is not small  
Freddie: I know I never said that  
Roger: Freddie what is the biggest dick you've seen?  
Deaky: I'm gonna interrupt you right there and tell you two to have this conversation somewhere else  
Daddy2: how many people have it now?  
Roger: like 22 people screenshot before I deleted it  
Freddie: oh shit  
Freddie: actually 21 one of those was me  
Daddy2: by my estimate probably around 70 people have seen it by now  
Freddie: I bet on 85  
Deaky: Roger why don't you just post another story asking people to not share it around?  
Freddie: no offense John but that is the worst idea I have ever heard  
Daddy2: I would advise just going with it  
Freddie: I agree it's not a bad nude  
Freddie: it could be worse  
Deaky: remember when Brian gave his hair to the librarian. That was probably worse than this  
Daddy2: especially seeing as I had to ask for it back  
Freddie: yeah and we all know about the dress incident  
Deaky: actually we don't... just you and Roger  
Roger: guys it's ok I'm just gonna roll with it. Maybe some girls will be interested...  
Freddie: lmao  
Freddie: dw Roger you'll have all the girls  
Deaky: don't you have two girlfriends?  
Roger: Shit! I haven't thought of that  
Daddy2: they're probably innocently going about their lives and...  
Daddy2: boom their shit boyfriend posts a dick pic to his story meant for some other girl  
Deaky: I think 2 girlfriends is unethical Roger it's a bit mean that you cheat on them both with eachother and other people  
Freddie: maybe this is just karma  
Roger: fuck off you guys are meant to help me!  
Roger: if anyone needs karma it's Freddie  
Freddie: homophobe  
Daddy2: lol both of you are sluts  
Deaky: but we love you anyway  
Roger: awwww that's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me  
Freddie: love you too <3

Roger: uh oh...  
Roger: Barbara has seen the picture someone must of sent it to her  
Roger: she's mad  
Roger: I think that's over  
Roger: thank you guys so much for your support 

Roger: Well now Ellie's seen it...  
Roger: wow what a shocker I got dumped  
Roger: wow thanks again guys the most supportive friends

Freddie: I'm really sorry Rog! I was in a lecture and didn't check my phone  
Roger: I've been dumped by three people in three days  
Freddie: I feel so bad Roger I should have been there  
Freddie: come out with me later and I'll help you get laid and lay for 2 drinks  
Roger: it's ok Fred I'm just feeling sad  
Deaky: I'm sorry too I was with Veronica  
Roger: it's ok  
Freddie: come out anyway Rog  
Freddie: Deaks come too?  
Deaky: ok nothing better to do I suppose  
Roger: ok I'll come  
Daddy2: wow you're really comforting him? He deserves what he gets  
Freddie: don't be mean Brian he's going through a rough time  
Roger: fuck off Brian you're really judging me right now  
Daddy2: what you were doing is wrong though it was gonna go wrong at some point  
Daddy2: I told you  
Deaky: Brian it was a bit wrong but Roger's still going through a tough situation  
Daddy2: well I'm not gonna comfort him and pretend it's all ok what he did  
Freddie: you're being a shit friend  
Daddy2: I don't care  
Roger: fine asshole


	5. That's pretty gay...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who's in Freddie's bedroom?

Thursday

Daddy2: ok I'm sorry Roger  
Roger: wow how long did that take  
Freddie: 17 hours  
Roger: interesting  
Daddy2: I'm about to fucking take it back  
Roger: I'm kidding. I'm sorry too I promise I won't cheat on any girlfriends in the future  
Daddy2: lol it's ok Rog  
Deaky: great that's sorted then

Daddy2: Freddie who is in your bedroom?  
Freddie: me  
Roger: lol there is clearly someone else in there  
Deaky: if it's another teacher I swear to God!  
Freddie: I slept with 1 teacher before he was our teacher. As much as you talk about proffessor Hornby I never actually slept with him  
Daddy2: and you slept with your geography teacher  
Freddie: yeah well...  
Roger: I just heard a stranger laugh!!!! Who the fuck is in your room???  
Daddy2: in our lease it says you have to declare if someone is staying over  
Freddie: blah blah blah sue me  
Freddie: Roger literally has girls over all the time  
Roger: yeah but not secret ones  
Daddy2: plus if it is somebody like scandalous we want to know  
Roger: I just heard him laugh again!!! Who is it?  
Freddie: just Jim  
Daddy2: who?  
Roger: Jim the technology proffessor?  
Freddie: no Jim Hutton  
Daddy2: who?  
Freddie: he's in my design class we have a project to do  
Roger: in your room at 3am?  
Freddie: I said he could stay over cause we were working till quite late  
Roger: working ;)  
Roger: then why are you both giggling like schoolgirls in there  
Daddy2: I'm recording it  
Deaky: what did Brian just send me  
Deaky: cause it sounds like Freddie giggling and Brian giggling really close go the mic  
Daddy2: I couldn't stop laughing  
Roger: Freddie's in luuuuurrrv  
Freddie's: just cause I made a new friend  
Roger: how big's his dick?  
Daddy2: for someone who claims not to be gay you have a weird obsession with other guys dicks  
Roger: I would call it a healthy interest  
Freddie: that's how it begins  
Roger: what? Are you saying I'm gay?  
Freddie: no lol  
Freddie: Deaky don't you know Jim?  
Deaky: yea he was a friend of a friend I met him a few times  
Freddie: is he gay?  
Deaky: I don't know I didn't ask  
Freddie: did he do anything gay?  
Roger: he's spent hours in a bedroom with you... pretty gay  
Freddie: he doesn't like me  
Daddy2: no wonder! you're on your phone texting us you should be talking to him  
Freddie: ok bye  
Roger: if they fuck I'm gonna sleep on the sofa is further from the sound  
Daddy2: I think you should sufder through it. Think of how many times you've done that to Fred  
Deaky: I've heard you fucking and I don't even live there yet 

Deaky: have they done it yet?  
Daddy2: I saw Freddie a minute ago in the kitchen  
Roger: I think they went to sleep  
Deaky: ok well night


	6. A helping hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger needs a little reassurance. Date night plans are needed

Friday

Roger: do you guys think I'm gay?  
Daddy2: yes lol  
Deaky: no...  
Freddie: no  
Freddie: why? You ok?  
Roger: idk it's just a lot of people think I'm gay  
Roger: do you think I should idk try and be more manly  
Freddie: no  
Daddy2: Roger what happened?  
Roger: I was chatting to this girl  
Daddy2: as usual  
Roger: then these guys came past and said to her 'come with us we'll show you a real man leave this faggot' then I was pissed and told them to fuck off they came over and got all up in my face and were like 'what's a little poof like you gonna do to me?'  
Roger: like do I look gay?  
Freddie: where are you?  
Roger: at the park  
Freddie: I'm coming to find you  
Daddy2: fuck those guys Roger you've got laid way more times  
Deaky: lol Roger girls love you  
Daddy2: did you get that girls number?  
Roger: yea but I think out of pity  
Daddy2: doesn't matter if you got it anyway  
Deaky: those guys are just insecure and wanna take it out on you. Don't let them make you insecure Rog  
Freddie: you're beautiful Roger and you are yourself which mames you a good person to be around  
Deaky: yea it would be weird if you got all fake  
___Freddie has has changed Roger's name to Sexy___  
Sexy: lol thanks Fred  
Deaky: lmao the notifications for this chat are gonna get me in trouble with Ronnie  
Daddy2: you ok now Rog?  
Sexy: yea just a bit shaken  
Freddie: I see you  
Sexy: oh yeah I'm with Freddie now guys so dw  
Daddy2: ok see you later  
Deaky: c u 

Daddy2: I'm going out with Chrissie tonight  
Deaky: ooh where you going?  
Daddy2: to see new star wars  
Freddie: oh god! Is she a nerd or are you just forcing her to go  
Deaky: lol forcing.... star wars...the force... there's a joke there somewhere  
Sexy: I appreciate you Deaky  
Daddy2: she likes it too btw  
Freddie: uh oh  
Freddie: Jim's coming over tonight  
Sexy: does he eat meat?  
Freddie: oh yes... ;) I'll give him meat  
Sexy: well I'm cooking 2nite so I need to know  
Deaky: are you two going out?  
Freddie: no I don't even know if he's gay yet but I'm working on it  
Sexy: how come he's coming over then?  
Freddie: to do the project  
Daddy2: he is gay  
Daddy2: Chrissie knows him from hair and beauty class or something  
Deaky: hair and beauty does not make you gay  
Daddy2: no I mean he's mentioned it to her lol  
Freddie: oooooohhhh  
Sexy: so you're gonna fuck him today?  
Freddie: as much as I would love to be stuffed with his fatty cock he doesn't like me  
Sexy: is it weird that made me a little hard  
Daddy2: I just choked on my milk wtf Roger  
Sexy: kinda how Fred wants to choke on Jim's long Johnson ;)  
Freddie: lol  
Deaky: why doesn't he like you anyway?  
Sexy: I think because he's intimidated by my sensuality  
Freddie: me intimidated by you? Lol  
Deaky: I meant Jim  
Freddie: cause I met him and I was really drunk and groped him at an after party  
Daddy2: you tit. Why'd you do that?  
Freddie: he has a nice arse :(  
Sexy: lol  
Deaky: I'm sure he's forgiven you Fred  
Sexy: yea he sounded like he was having a laugh last time and he stayed over in your bed  
Freddie: it was very platonic sleeping  
Daddy2: platonic like when I slept with you  
Deaky: what??  
Daddy2: Freddie is the most erotic sleeper I know. He was mumbling and pretty much humping me  
Freddie: don't pretend you didn't love it ;)  
Daddy2: I didn't sleep a wink and ended up sleeping on the floor  
Sexy: I slept with Freddie fine  
Deaky: why has everyone slept with Fred accept me?  
Daddy2: when we first moved in we only had two beds so we took turns sharing for a week  
Freddie: now I'm afraid Jim hates me beause I sexually assaulted him in my sleep  
Sexy: Brian is overreacting  
Deaky: yeah I'm sure he wouldn't agree to come over if he hated you

Freddie: turns out Joe Fanelli (we dated for a bit now we friends) knows Jim so I'm adding him  
Daddy2: why has this chat, which should have been band business, become a support group for Freddie's disastrous love life?  
Freddie: it's not that disastrous is it?  
Sexy: dw Fred everyone is shit at relationships  
Liza: heloo guys  
Freddie: right now tell us all you have found out about Jim  
Deaky: why are you called Liza?  
Freddie: because that's his name  
Liza: that's what Fred calls me so wemust go along with it else he will have a strop  
Sexy: lol true  
Freddie: stfu and tell me about Jim so I can seduce him  
Liza: he wants to be a hairdresser, he's from Ireland, he doesn't have many friends, I think he lives with an old woman, I think he's a top but can't be sure  
Sexy: Freddie maybe you should ask him to cut your hair??  
Daddy2: that would require him getting close  
Freddie: no  
Freddie: that would freak him asking him to cutmy hair is more of a 3 months in a relationship thing  
Liza: I agree you need to get him to see you as relationship material  
Freddie: well how do I do that?  
Sexy: lie  
Liza: I agree Freddie you are not exactly relationship God  
Freddie: says the one who dated me  
Liza: and we were terrible  
Deaky: that's a good point tho what did Freddie do that made you want to date him  
Liza: um... his brilliant eyes  
Freddie: it was my massive cock ;)  
Sexy: lol  
Liza: maybe you should stop trying to impress him  
Daddy2: yea maybe he will like you more if you were more vulnerable?  
Freddie: if this is some weird bdsm kink of yours Brian I swear to God!!!  
Daddy2: I'm serious be yourself and he might find that easier to deal with  
Sexy: but also wear some really tight jeans so he gets a good look ;)  
Deaky: it's the perfect combination  
Freddie: ok thanks for the help. I'm off shopping.  
Freddie: mercury out  
Sexy: so Brian what're you gonna do to entice Chrissie?  
Daddy2: nothing that you tell me  
Deaky: he gets laid a lot though  
Sexy: exactly! I'm very helpfull  
Liza: um sorry but who are you guys ik you're the band but like who's who?  
Sexy: I'm Roger and I am called sexy for obvious reasons...  
Daddy2: I'm Brian and I'm Daddy2 because Fred has another daddy on his phone  
Deaky: I am John Richard Deacon I was born on the 19th of August  
Liza: ok thanks  
Sexy: so what're you doing today Deaky?  
Deaky: um idk probably gonna study and pack  
Liza: are you moving?  
Deaky: yea to their house  
Sexy: YAY so we'll help you move in tmrw  
Liza: I can help if you want I'm free  
Deaky: yea that'd be great  
Daddy2: I bet we could get Jim to help if he stays over  
Deaky: I feel bad if everyone helps  
Sexy: I bet £50 they are gonna fuck 2nite  
Daddy2: I think it will be next time  
Sexy: you're on bitch  
Daddy2: -_- c u in hell

Deaky: I'm bored what's going on  
Sexy: I made a lovely lasagne only to find out Jim is vegetarian after all >:(  
Deaky: haha I guess Brian's still out  
Sexy: yea hopefully he'll get laid and be less angry all the time  
Deaky: I think it's just you making him mad  
Sexy: idk  
Sexy: now I have to watch as Freddie and Jim hog tge telly  
Deaky: I thought they were doing a project  
Sexy: they finished it in the first hour  
Deaky: do they look like they're going to get together  
Sexy: Freddie is trying to be real subtle... he pretended to be jump scared by a particularly loud note in chitty chitty bang bang and grabbed Jim...  
Deaky: to be fair that is a frightening film... child snatcher gave me nightmares  
Sexy: I'm gonna have nightmares about this unresolved sexual tension I am watching  
Deaky: try and get them together  
Sexy: HOW???  
Deaky: idk get them to sit together  
Sexy: ok  
Freddie: Roger fuck off  
Sexy: shut up I'm trying to help you  
Freddie: we were already sat together and you force me to basically sit in his lap  
Sexy: you love it ;)  
Freddie: you realise how weird you look we have an armchair  
Sexy: lol stop texting focus on your man  
Deaky: Roger you are forever gonna be known as "the weird blonde man who refused to sit in an armchair "  
Sexy: you mean "the sexy weird man who refused to sit in an armchair"  
Deaky: oh yeah.... definitely  
Freddie: he's gonna think of you both as wankers -_-  
Sexy: stop texting and fuck him you pussy  
Freddie: omg  
Liza: Freddie pretend to drop something then kneel in front of him and look up like you gonna suck him off  
Sexy: that's good!  
Liza: I'm good  
Freddie: very modest...  
Liza: thank me after the sex please  
Freddie: ok bye then off to suck a dick ;)  
Liza: good luck  
Deaky: bye  
Sexy: rip imma watch this telenovella ass shit happen lol bye


	7. Misplaced people

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John's first night...

Saturday

Daddy2: morning all and what a wonderful night I had  
Sexy: did you now... ;)  
Daddy2: oh yes a great time. Star wars is very good btw. Chrissie says fuck you for thinking she wouldn't like it and she agreed to be my girlfriend and she kissed me  
Sexy: wow! Did she hold your hand too!!!!  
Daddy2: fuck off  
Deaky: it's sweet you two are good together  
Deaky: also I'm coming over today right?? To move in  
Freddie: yes dear!  
Liza: I'm on my way  
Freddie: wow you are helpful...  
Liza: I was literally like a servant to you the whole time we dated  
Freddie: you exaggerate dear  
Liza: no I'm not  
Daddy2: you are pretty high maintenance  
Freddie: well I'm sorry JESUS CHRIST!!!!  
Sexy: Bri don't be mean Fred's perfect  
Sexy: don't change bby  
Freddie: thank you my dear  
Deaky: I'll be ten mins 👌👌  
Sexy: Freddie tell Brian about last night ;;;;;;)))))))  
Liza: you slept together??????  
Daddy2: oh shit do I owe Rog money  
Freddie: we didn't sleep together-_-  
Freddie: he is a gentleman!  
Freddie: he is going to take me on a date!!!!  
Freddie: on Monday  
Daddy2: really? How did you persuade him to like you  
Freddie: I was nice and offered him wine and I kissed his cheek (very pleasant cheeks)  
Liza: and he didn't try to get you to stop  
Freddie: no he liked it, he asked me out! What do you think???  
Daddy2: Roger I hope you can confirm this and it's not just Freddie imagining things  
Freddie: Brian you always undermine me do you just not respect me?  
___Sexy has removed Liza from the chat___  
Sexy: he does not need to see this  
Daddy2: oh stop Fred  
Freddie: you always do this in songs as well make fun of me and you think you're a better writer! My songs are just as worthy of Queen as yours  
Daddy2: stop being so fucking ridiculous my god you're petty sometimes!  
Sexy: both of you stop. I went to bed but I can tell you Jim was not objecting to Freddie's company  
Sexy: also I can hear Joe has arrived so you have to stop fighting  
Freddie: he started it! Fucking prick  
Daddy2: shut up Freddie  
Deaky: I'm outside  
Daddy2: you have a key!  
Sexy: don't start with Deaky  
Sexy: someone got out the wrong side of bed this morning  
Daddy2: your mums bed  
Freddie: I'll let Deaky in then. USELESS!! 

Daddy2: I've lost Roger  
Freddie: he's with me getting drinks  
Deaky: do you know who spiked the punch  
Sexy: yes...  
Freddie: it was me ;)  
Deaky: I was about to rant about how dangerous it is you fucking delinquents  
Freddie: Brian! Come find us  
Daddy2: I don't know where you sre  
Daddy2: are  
Freddie: we need daddy or we will get o terribly irresponsible  
Sexy: a girl just grabbed my dick and said 'it'll do' then walked away  
Daddy2: um what...  
Freddie: she did that to me as well!!!  
Freddie: maybe she is planning an orgy ;)  
Sexy: could be  
Deaky: what girl?  
Sexy: leapord shirt  
Freddie: blonde  
Freddie: massive tits  
Deaky: oh yea... she looks... great ;)  
Sexy: she looks like a whore  
Freddie: a very sexy whore we are not judging  
Daddy2: where are you :(  
Deaky: by the bar  
Sexy: WAIT i have an idea  
Daddy2: I cannot believe you did that....  
Sexy: I'm a singer I have to speak into the microphone when I can... and also you know where we are now so get your ass over here

Sexy: fukcin girl fuckykn hot babe  
Freddie: did yuo go home wiyh blonde???????  
Daddy2: yea  
Sexy: she has thr best tytts eVER  
Deaky: are you home?  
Deaky: yea I walked back  
Freddie: did yiu just rply yo urself deaky?  
Sexy: hahahaaaa  
Deaky: o shit I'm drunk lol  
Daddy2: im home too but wher is Freddie?  
Freddie: I got carrird away anb i am sat in a circle... idk who these poepl are  
Daddy2: are you safe wgat giong on?  
Freddie: I did drufs tgen tgey invited me rounf and everyone is kissing  
Freddie: spin tgw bottle  
Sexy: where?????  
Freddie: pauls flat  
___Daddy2 has added Mary to the group___  
Daddy2: Mary do you know wgo Paul is?  
Mary: um the blonde one?  
Sexy: thats me im roger  
Daddy2: ur not tge only blonde!!!!!  
Mary: Paul Prenter? Dave's friend?  
Freddie: MARY! You shoydnt be uot so late  
Freddie: Im at Paul prwnters housr and I kiised a gurl ;;);;;,))  
Sexy: ew  
Mary: Freddie you're gay  
Freddie: :,( i luv u still  
Daddy2: can you get him cos we all drunk rn  
Mary: ok  
Mary: is dave there?  
___Mary has added Minnsie to the group ___  
Minnsie: I don't know who any of these people are  
Daddy2: I'm Brian May Freddie introduced us once  
Sexy: you tryd to steel uor roomate!!!!  
Deaky: who is this?  
Mary: Freddie cheated on me with him  
Daddy2: oooooohhhh...  
Sexy: awkard am I rigt sister???  
Minnsie: Freddie is here at Paul's his is flat 5 in the green building  
Mary: ok I'm coming to get him  
Freddie: Is dave in the chat????.?  
Freddie: DAVE!!!!!!!!  
Minnsie: hello Freddie I'm also three metres away from you  
Freddie: this is fate I love you!  
Freddie: Ckme fuck me I love you  
Freddie: I miss you minns  
Mary: I am also right here wow...  
Freddie: and I luv mary!!!!!!  
Mary: I'm on my way to pick you up  
Freddie: ok daddy sboukd puck me ip  
Freddie: DAVId you have to meet jim!!!!! He is irish but not like paul and he us a haidresser and leikes cats anf he is taking me on a date! And joe sayd he likes fliwers  
Daddy2: Freddie stop. I'm sure you can tell us all about it after the date but two of your exes are currently being forced to hear this...  
Freddie: oh im sory if i ofended yuo guys  
Sexy: lol Freddie youre a mess  
Deaky: you are literally texting from a strangers bed right now  
Sexy: yea that's right ;;;;;;;))))))  
Deaky: *sigh*  
Mary: I'm with Freddie now so I'm bringing him back to yours he might be sick though  
Daddy2: its ok me and deaky arehome al ready  
Sexy: good lukc fred!!!!!!!  
Freddie: thx my dear xxx  
___Daddy2 has removed Mary, minnsie from the group___  
Daddy2: gonight  
Sexy: night <3<3  
Deaky: firstnight in my new home BITCHES!!!!!!  
Daddy2: fredd is asleep already so...


	8. Anyone know how to ride a horse?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian helps out an animal...

Sunday

Deaky: morning fellow housemates  
Daddy2: oh no this is like fucking big brother  
Sexy: it is 9am in the queen band house...  
Freddie: Freddie is fucking hungover and wishes his fucking phone would shut up  
Daddy2: Brian doesn't care because he needs to have a serious conversation with Freddie about drugs  
Sexy: Roger is making breakfast so he can avoid this conversation  
Freddie: Freddie is asleep fuck off  
Deaky: ....housemates please stop...  
Daddy2: Freddie! You got yourself into a dangerous situation last night! Imagine if Mary hadn't gone to get you  
Freddie: you're exaggerating  
Deaky: you were a bit of a mess Fred anyone could have taken advantage of you  
Freddie: no they couldn't because I was at Paul's house not some random serial killers  
Daddy2: but do you really trust Paul?  
Sexy: Paul is a prick Fred I bet he would take advantage of you  
Freddie: ROGER! you're supposed to be on my side  
Sexy: i don't like paul  
Freddie: he's been good to me  
Daddy2: has he now... so it wasn't him that gave you drugs?  
Freddie: well yeah but it was my choice to take them  
Deaky: what did you take?  
Freddie: cocaine and ecstasy  
Deaky: maybe don't mix next time 🤔  
Sexy: yea probably  
Daddy2: or don't do it next time and you won't end up in dangerous situations  
Freddie: Brian i was with Paul he would have kept me safe anyway  
Sexy: I made breakfast  
Deaky: Brian stop lecturing Freddie and lets go have whatever Roger managed to make...

Daddy2: does anyone here know how to ride a horse  
Deaky: no... why?  
Freddie: I can  
Sexy: I can and I bet I'm better than Freddie  
Freddie: I've ridden elephants bitch!  
Sexy: I rode a horse that tried to buck me off!  
Freddie: Elephant...  
Sexy: I went hunting once!!!!!!!  
Freddie: ELEPHANT  
Sexy: I galloped through fields and over hedges  
Freddie: BIGGEST LAND ANIMAL!  
Deaky: I think Freddie wins  
Sexy: BITCH I will hurt you  
Daddy2: ok thanks  
Freddie: WHAT? Brian??? What????  
Daddy2: I have a horse  
Daddy2: that I saved  
Daddy2: someone needs to meet me and ride it to a rescue stables because they can't come and pick him up on sundays  
Freddie: no... where are you?  
Daddy2: I'm at Reading and the stables is like 6 miles away  
Sexy: you want me to catch a train to Reading so I can ride a random horse to a stables... wtf????  
Deaky: why are you even at Reading?  
Daddy2: it's for school our physics departments are linked and we went to a telescope and there's this horse  
Freddie: what??????  
Freddie: please say you're joking  
Daddy2: please one of you come down here!!!!!  
Sexy: fine! I'm on my way will be abt an hour  
Deaky: wow  
Daddy2: THANK YOU!!!! Roger you are an angel. I love you!  
Freddie: yea... go rog....  
Deaky: me and Freddie are gonna go get dinner for you guys  
Freddie: what!!!  
Deaky: they are heroes they saved a horse...  
Freddie: whatever  
Freddie: what do you want?  
Sexy: pizza  
Daddy2: ye 👌👌 pizza  
Freddie: I'm buying you fucking hay  
Freddie: and carrots  
Sexy: no :(  
Sexy: pizza :,(  
Deaky: lol we'll buy pizza dw

Freddie: where are you guys???? It's been like 5 hours  
Sexy: on the train  
Sexy: it takes like 2 hours to ride 6 miles  
Daddy2: quicker than walking  
Sexy: good thing you didn't walk then  
Deaky: how are you guys affording all these train trips my bank account is literally in the negatives...  
Sexy: my mum gave me some money when I was last down there  
Daddy2: I thought you spent that on drinks  
Sexy: no! Fred drinks more than me!  
Freddie: I don't spend that much money on drinks because I get guys buying them for me  
Sexy: I reckon a girl would slap me if I asked her to buy me a drink  
Freddie: be gay then  
Daddy2: Rog you never buy girls drinks!  
Sexy: exactly so it would be weird if I started getting them to buy me drinks  
Deaky: how do you get girls to sleep with you if you don't buy them drinks  
Sexy: I'm charming and good looking 😎  
Daddy2: lol  
Daddy2: we're at the station now see you in a min  
Deaky: great we'll start cooking the pizza


	9. He made me tea!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freddie's date

Monday

Freddie: Today I have a date with Jim  
Sexy: wow what a great match  
Sexy: one is an Irishman looking for a stable career as a hairdresser in his free time he likes gardening and carpentry  
Sexy: the other is Freddie a man trying to be famous in a band in his free time he likes to do drugs and get fisted by teachers  
Freddie: thanks dear  
Sexy: my pleasure:)  
Daddy2: where are you going?  
Freddie: italian food  
Deaky: please go back to his after we do not need to hear you boning all night  
Freddie: -_-  
Daddy2: it's a school night no sleepovers!  
Freddie: if he offers I am NEVER going to decline that sexy caring man  
Deaky: go get'em Fred!  
Freddie: wow thank you my dear  
Daddy2: everyone disperse...  
Sexy: WHAT?  
Daddy2: normally everyone leaves at this time for uni  
Sexy: lol I have lab at 1  
Deaky: My lecture was cancelled  
Freddie: I'm meant to be in my lecture but I'm running late  
Daddy2: how are you running late I heard you get up at like 7 it has been 2 hours  
Freddie: ok fuck off mr I'm never late because my massive legs are so fucking fast  
___Sexy has changed Daddy2's name to daddylonglegs___  
Daddylonglegs: wow thanks  
Deaky: lol  
Deaky: meet me at the library  
Sexy: Freddie do you want to open a stall in Kensington?  
Freddie: why?  
Sexy: to get money... obviously  
Daddylonglegs: how come you asked Freddie and not us >:(  
Sexy: for clothes...  
Sexy: Freddie is hot and fashionable like me! You two are both otherwise gifted  
Deaky: he means we are the clever ones and he and Freddie just look pretty...  
Daddylonglegs: maybe you should become prostitutes... really use all your talents  
Freddie: I think I already am a prostitute...  
Sexy: you've been paid?  
Freddie: I didn't realise he was gonna pay me then he gave me money and I was not gonna say no...  
Deaky: lol an AcCideNtaL prostitute  
Deaky: that's a movie  
Sexy: or a song  
Sexy: Freddie! My beautiful bitch! I am writing you a song  
___Sexy has changed Freddie's name to BeautifulBitch___  
BeautifulBitch: ngl I am pretty beautiful  
BeautifulBitch: ok I have to go make a dramatic entrance into my lecture now goodbye my darlings!  
Sexy: rip  
Deaky: meet me at library then we get lunch  
Sexy: ok...  
Daddylonglegs: so forceful Deaky  
Sexy: if Fred was here he'd make an inappropriate joke so we all just have to imagine what he'd say  
Deaky: ok I mean you don't have to come I just forgot to put a question mark lol  
Sexy: oh no I look forward to it... master  
___Daddylonglegs had changed Deaky's name to Master___  
Master: wow we really are on a nickname roll today  
Sexy: ok I'm here now hurry up brain 

Sexy: Freddie you need to leave  
BeautifulBitch: come and help me decide what to wear  
Daddylonglegs: wow...  
Master: where are you?  
Daddylonglegs: I'm at Jake's doing some work back at 9  
Master: ok gr8 so everyone's going out so I have no excuse not to do my work... :,(  
Sexy: I'm home  
Master: great! We can entertain each other  
Sexy: but I wanna write my prostitute song  
BeautifulBitch: I bet I can write a better prostitute song than you  
Daddylonglegs: ok so you both write songs and then me and Deaky will judge which we like more and we will play that one  
Sexy: game on bitch 

BeautifulBitch: I'm staying at Jim's 👍👍  
Sexy: so the date went well  
BeautifulBitch: it went brilliant! We got food and all that and he told about Ireland and I told him about Zanzibar. He also is very funny and told me about people who's hair he cuts. After the meal we were walking back and he gave me his jacket because I was cold and it's very warm. And he let me in his house and he made me tea!  
Daddylonglegs: TEA!!!!! wow  
Daddylonglegs: jk he sounds really nice Fred  
BeautifulBitch: yes yes! Ok I'm going now cause he is back see ya tomorrow  
Master: WEAR A CONDOM  
BeautifulBitch: my phone just lit up with that and he read it...  
Daddylonglegs: how he react  
BeautifulBitch: *raised eyebrows and cute little laugh*  
Sexy: oh yes get FUCKED Fred  
Sexy: in a good way  
BeautifulBitch: very good 👌👌  
Daddylonglegs: aw our little Freddie is all grown up  
Sexy: he is literally the oldest lol  
Daddylonglegs: he's come a long way though he only came out a week ago  
Sexy: REALLY?  
Master: yea but you both knew already  
Sexy: I didn't know about David and Joe who he apparently dated but we didn't know about  
Daddylonglegs: makes me sad that he went through all that with Mary by himself he could have talked to us :(  
Master: I suppose he probably wouldn't have told us anyway knowing him  
Sexy: yea probably  
Daddylonglegs: I'm back now who want to play scrabble?!  
Sexy: I'm in  
Master: I'm in  
BeautifulBitch: I think someone else is gonna 'be in' in a second ;)


	10. Fingers so rhythmic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica is in for a shock...

Tuesday

Daddylonglegs: Excuse me Mr Taylor I think you owe me 50 quid  
Sexy: I guess I overestimated Freddie's power at seduction   
Sexy: it's settled I'm a better prostitute   
Master: only you could turn losing a bet into an opportunity for you to win  
BeautifulBitch: morning all and Brian you may thank me later for winning the bet for you  
Sexy: I was not expecting you awake for another couple hours   
BeautifulBitch: I hardly slept ;)  
Master: well you have lectures today and now you've made yourself tired   
BeautifulBitch: alright fucking boss...  
Sexy: John's let being master go to his head a bit...  
Sexy: FREDDIE prostitute numero 2 I have my song  
BeautifulBitch: I'm prostitute number 1 dear  
Sexy: NO WAY! I'm better than you  
BeautifulBitch: ahem I'm the only one who has actually been paid   
Sexy: if I was gay all the guys would want me   
BeautifulBitch: If they wanted a hairless pretty blonde they'd just be straight...  
Sexy: -_- well if i wanted to date you I'd just be gay!!!!  
BeautifulBitch: well yeah...   
Daddylonglegs: lol what are you doing?  
Master: they've gone mad  
Master: where are you, Roger?  
Sexy: I already left cause I want to be early today  
BeautifulBitch: why?  
Sexy: to meet this Jess  
BeautifulBitch: who's that?  
Daddylonglegs: ??? Jess who came to our show  
Sexy: yea we are gonna study because she is in my human body lab  
BeautifulBitch: yea she is ;)  
Sexy: when we're studying human stomachs I'll think of you 😘  
Master: lol   
Master: Freddie don't you have to come back and get you're stuff before uni?  
BeautifulBitch: no I'll borrow Jim's cause he's in my class today   
Daddylonglegs: aw are you gonna walk in together   
BeautifulBitch: I don't think walking beside someone is that romantic...  
Sexy: nah for Brian walking beside a girl is the equivalent of a blow job   
Daddylonglegs: just cause I'm not a whore   
BeautifulBitch: idk Brian I've seen you do some things which could be described as whorelike  
Sexy: Deaky is DEFINITELY worse!  
Sexy: he's quietly having the best sex of all of us  
Master: and because of my own satisfaction with my sex life I do not feel the talk about it all the time   
BeautifulBitch: wow....  
BeautifulBitch: I feel attacked right now  
Daddylonglegs: to be fair you almost completely avoided talking about sex untill like last week...  
BeautifulBitch: I reassure you that I was having good sex long before you knew  
Master: and before Mary knew apparently  
BeautifulBitch: 🖕  
Sexy: lol   
Sexy: ok c u later bye   
Master: ok... bye   
BeautifulBitch: Jim's out of shower now so I will also be leaving :)   
Daddylonglegs: just us now Deaky  
Master: bye  
Daddylonglegs: imma cry 

Master: excuse me who are all you people?  
Daddylonglegs: um john... what?  
Master: I'm his girlfriend and I would like to know why you are texting him all the time  
Sexy: he's got a girlfriend... I'm sorry dear but he plays with me every week ;)  
BeautifulBitch: me too  
Sexy: sometimes at the same time   
Daddylonglegs: STOP!  
Sexy: he shouldn't be lying to his girlfriend!  
Sexy: I've been banging with him every tuesday and Wednesday for months!  
BeautifulBitch: sometimes at weekends at clubs he plays with me  
Daddylonglegs: you guys are getting John in trouble!!!!!!!!! STOP  
Sexy: I'm not lying about anything!  
BeautifulBitch: actually we did know he had a girlfriend   
Master: so you bitches think you're better than me!   
Daddylonglegs: just ask John and he'll explain please!!!!!  
Master: oh and he's gay now who the fuck are you 'daddy'?  
Daddylonglegs: I'm Brian I'm in a band with John and so are these guys  
Sexy: Stop covering for John. He knows what he is doing when he uses those beautiful fingers for us!  
BeautifulBitch: fingers so rhythmic 💦  
Daddylonglegs: Haha... ok now STOP   
Daddylonglegs: Veronica!  
Daddylonglegs: I am Brian May and Roger is sexy and Fred is BeautifulBitch   
Sexy: yeah I am ;)  
Daddylonglegs: from QUEEN! The band   
Master: what?   
Daddylonglegs: I'm serious go back in our convos if you want I promise nothing sexual going on  
Sexy: actually I am a sexual MACHINE!   
Sexy: but not with John  
Daddylonglegs: I promise we are nice really but when Freddie and Roger are together they are a bad combination  
Master: haha ok I believe you sorry for all that   
Master: now I've suitably embarrassingly myself John can have his phone back...  
Sexy: sorry JAWwwn   
Master: fack awf rawgah   
BeautifulBitch: I'm cooking after practice today  
Sexy: no art club today?  
BeautifulBitch: no  
BeautifulBitch: ok see you guys at practice.   
Daddylonglegs: no thank you John?? I defended your honour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would anyone be interested in me actually writing scenes from this then publishing them seperately as a series?


	11. My dad's gonna kill me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger has made some life decisions

Wednesday

BeautifulBitch: 3 by 9 once  
Daddylonglegs: ???  
Master: Fred...   
BeautifulBitch: OH wrong chat sorry! Meant for Rog  
Sexy: lol   
Master: don't want to know what you're discussing   
Sexy: ...  
BeautifulBitch: so do any of you know where that jacket I found went?? Cause I swear I left it in the hall  
Sexy: oh yeah! We gonna sell it right   
BeautifulBitch: If I find it  
Daddylonglegs: um I'm sorry Fred but I think I threw it away  
BeautifulBitch: WHY?   
Daddylonglegs: I thought it was just rubbish  
BeautifulBitch: it is the most marvellous thing!?!?!?!  
Daddylonglegs: I think it had fleas  
BeautifulBitch: how could you!  
Sexy: How are we meant to make momey now?!!?!?  
BeautifulBitch: we'll have to find more ig :,(  
Daddylonglegs: I'm sorry   
BeautifulBitch: that's ok   
BeautifulBitch: me and Rog will have to go shopping again  
Sexy: yay...  
Master: oof

Sexy: guys I fucked up...   
Master: ???  
BeautifulBitch: again?  
Sexy: I quit my uni course   
Daddylonglegs: why on earth would you do that?????  
Sexy: well me and Fred were talking the other night about the band and that  
BeautifulBitch: oh no oh no oh no  
BeautifulBitch: do not blame this on me!  
Sexy: well we thought it would be easier to succeed if we quit our courses   
BeautifulBitch: oh shit   
Master: um that sounds like a drunk conversation   
Sexy: it was a sensible drunk conversation   
Daddylonglegs: you mean compared to the rest of your conversations which are about dicks and watermelons   
BeautifulBitch: GREAT COMBO   
Master: um how?  
BeautifulBitch: I DON'T CARE BITCH!   
Master: Fred do you have a watermelon up your ass? What are you doing?  
BeautifulBitch: DEAKY!?!?!? HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT   
Sexy: Do you think a melon could fit?  
BeautifulBitch: NO YOU WOMBAT!  
Daddylonglegs: please stop with the caps you are hurting my brain  
BeautifulBitch: ok   
BeautifulBitch: I'm shocked at Roger  
BeautifulBitch: now I feel obligated to quit seeing as I was part of the conversation   
Master: Freddie no!   
Daddylonglegs: one of us needs to be there next time Rog and Fred discuss big decisions   
BeautifulBitch: Deaky is a dumber drunk than us   
Daddylonglegs: fair  
Sexy: remember when he thought he could punch through a plate  
Master: excuse me I did punch through it  
Sexy: oh yeah...   
Daddylonglegs: and needed 3 stitches as a consequence   
Master: yeah but I punched through it  
BeautifulBitch: I've decided to quit my course   
Daddylonglegs: NO guys!!!!! Please think about this properly  
Sexy: my dad is gonna kill me   
Sexy: Freddie we can just work more at the stall  
BeautifulBitch: I'll quit tomorrow   
BeautifulBitch: good thing we have cheap rent right   
Master: what if the band never makes it? You two are gonna be stuck with no qualifications and have to tell your kids you can't afford to get them shoes cause you dropped out to be in a rock band  
BeautifulBitch: kids? Me?   
Sexy: Deaky Queen is gonna make it stop being so negative. Do you just not believe in us at all  
BeautifulBitch: I agree Deaky has a bad attitude   
Daddylonglegs: I'm sure the band will work out guys just please think before making big life decisions  
Master: I'm being realistic   
Sexy: fuck off me and Fred aren't talking to you   
BeautifulBitch: wanna go get a drink without Deaky?   
Master: enjoy drinking while you still can afford it just remember when you're old and broke still trying to run a stall you won't be able to  
Sexy: did you hear anything Fred  
BeautifulBitch: absolutely not my dear   
Daddylonglegs: all of you stop. Deaky stop destroying our dreams. Froger stop being childish.   
BeautifulBitch: did you just call us Froger?  
Daddylonglegs: yeah because you two act like a couple all the time  
Sexy: we are the most attractive couple ;)  
BeautifulBitch: if anyone is a couple it is you and Roger  
Master: I agree you two are a couple of lesbians   
Sexy: no   
Master: why so defensive Taylor?   
Sexy: 🖕  
BeautifulBitch: you two are pretty much married  
Daddylonglegs: you and Deaky are our stupid children  
Master: so you admit you're married  
Daddylonglegs: no ffs Deaky   
Sexy: we are nothing like a couple.  
Sexy: I have to go  
Master: where do you have to go? you have no school  
BeautifulBitch: Deaky got out the wrong side of bed today...   
BeautifulBitch: he's meeting me for drinks without you   
Master: see you later then   
Sexy: bitch.   
Daddylonglegs: Freddie please come see me in my room tonight  
BeautifulBitch: ?  
Sexy: um... were we meant to see that? ;)  
Daddylonglegs: -_- to dicuss him dropping out   
BeautifulBitch: ok   
Sexy: Fred you've been summoned to the head masters office... be ready for a spanking   
BeautifulBitch: I'm always ready darling   
Sexy: I love you Freddie   
BeautifulBitch: ok I'm nearly there now see you later Bri   
Daddylonglegs: ok bye 

Master: where are you guys?  
BeautifulBitch: on our way  
Daddylonglegs: I think you guys owe us money for making us wait during practice time  
Sexy: the band makes like no money... what could we possibly owe you  
Daddylonglegs: idk but you better be quick  
Daddylonglegs: you wonder why my guitar solos are so long when you leave us with nothing to do except guitars while we wait for you  
Sexy: shut up we're not late that often  
BeautifulBitch: we're here now   
Daddylonglegs: THANK GOD

BeautifulBitch: I'm defo quitting uni tomorrow btw  
Master: what?! BRIAN I thought you were gonna talk to him  
Daddylonglegs: I did and we decided quitting is fine   
Master: how?  
BeautifulBitch: I can focus on band. I don't care about my course. It didn't have many career prospects. Overall it is a waste of money.  
Master: fine  
Sexy: woohoo!  
Daddylonglegs: everyone congregate for dinner now I made it!


	12. Why didn't you use a condom?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John... what did you do?

Thursday

BeautifulBitch: done! I'm finished I quit!  
Sexy: woooooo!!!!!!   
Master: that's good  
Master: sorry about yesterday   
BeautifulBitch: that's ok Deaky me and Rog aren't mad anymore  
Daddylonglegs: are we all at home today   
BeautifulBitch: no   
Sexy: I'm home   
Master: Im with Veronica sorry   
Daddylonglegs: ok  
BeautifulBitch: just you and your lesbian partner...  
Sexy: stop calling us lesbians we are men!  
Sexy: if anyone is a lesbian it is you because you are gay   
BeautifulBitch: yeah but I'm in a manly relationship  
Sexy: how is your relationship manly?  
BeautifulBitch: we're both hairy and my boyfriend has really nice arms  
Master: arms?????  
BeautifulBitch: yes he has great arms! You've met him  
Daddylonglegs: you're favourite part of Jim is his arms...  
BeautifulBitch: other than his cock :)   
Sexy: which you're very secretive about >:(  
BeautifulBitch: I'm not telling you the size of my boyfriends dick Roger  
Sexy: it helps me understand him as a person more   
BeautifulBitch: that's stupid  
BeautifulBitch: somebody's dick size is private   
Sexy: Freddie that is the most hypocritical thing you've ever said!  
Daddylonglegs: Fred you introduce me on stage as "he has quite a big cock" ...  
Master: how did I not know you were gay?  
BeautifulBitch: ok but Jim's dick is private because we're BOYFRIENDS   
Master: wait you're actual boyfriends?   
BeautifulBitch: FINALLY somebody noticed that I called Jim my boyfriend!!!!  
BeautifulBitch: he asked me!   
Master: when?   
BeautifulBitch: Tuesday we had lunch together  
Daddylonglegs: nice one Fred  
Sexy: does this mean you have to stop sleeping around?   
BeautifulBitch: I suppose he didn't say anything about that  
Daddylonglegs: it's implied in being boyfriends  
BeautifulBitch: I won't delete any contacts in case I need them :(  
Master: you won't need them you're in a relationship now  
BeautifulBitch: I'll think about it :,(   
Daddylonglegs: don't do a Roger  
Sexy: a what?  
Daddylonglegs: get caught cheating so nobody wants to date you anymore   
BeautifulBitch: Roger still gets more action than you  
Daddylonglegs: I have a girlfriend!  
BeautifulBitch: yea who you hold hands with once a week -_-   
Daddylonglegs: *sigh* 

Master: guys I'm a little freaking out  
Sexy: a freaky deaky is never good...  
Beautiful: what's going on?  
Master: Veronica thinks she's pregnant   
BeautifulBitch: is it yours???  
Master: yes obviously Fred   
Sexy: why didn't you use a condom  
Master: idk we ran out for a bit  
Daddylonglegs: a bit??? How long for?  
Master: like most times   
Master: I thought I pulled out   
Sexy: lol  
BeautifulBitch: so you're gonna have a baby!!! We need a party for the baby  
Master: I'm freaking out I'm too young to be a dad  
Sexy: clearly not...  
Master: what do I do??? I have to tell my parents she's pregnant we're not married! They'll kill me  
Daddylonglegs: just get married quickly then   
BeautifulBitch: is she DEFINITELY pregnant? Not just being overdramatic   
Master: I don't know we're going to the doctor now   
Sexy: let us know when you leave 

Master: ok we got out   
BeautifulBitch: is everything ok? Is she pregnant   
Master: yeah we're having a baby :)  
BeautifulBitch: yay! Little Deaky  
Daddylonglegs: are you ok?  
Master: yeah I'm excited for a baby now   
Sexy: daddy deaky   
Sexy: shit Brian you can no longer be daddy  
___sexy has changed Daddylonglegs name to Brian___  
___sexy has changed Master's name to Daddydeaky___  
Brian: so now I'm just boring:,(   
BeautifulBitch: EVERYBODY!!!! PARTY AT OUR HOUSE TOMORROW NIGHT   
Sexy: yes!!!! To celebrate me and Fred quitting and John's baby!!!!!!   
Brian: ok I need to get hammered   
Daddydeaky: same! This is rather stressful   
Sexy: plus who knows when Ronnie will allow you to drink again   
BeautifulBitch: we must make sure there is sober fun for the pregnant woman  
Brian: like what?  
Sexy: https://b.passagesmalibu.com/30-fun-sober-activities/  
BeautifulBitch: we are not doing colouring in!  
Brian: no way anyone is going for a drive not after last time DEACON!  
Sexy: yeah you fucking maniac   
Daddydeaky: ok I'm a reckless drunk  
Brian: that is an understatement   
BeautifulBitch: you are never allowed to be reckless around the child because I was honestly frightened when you punched a plate that time  
Daddydeaky: I agree  
Sexy: we'll just play some games that's fun for sober people right?  
Brian: yes scrabble tournament!   
BeautifulBitch: but also we get shitfaced??? :(  
Sexy: yes obviously!!!!  
Daddydeaky: but no drugs around my pregnant girlfriend   
Brian: can Chrissie come then   
Sexy: yes! Tell her to invite some friends so I can hook up with someone  
BeautifulBitch: can Paul and Jim come?  
Sexy: I don't like Paul tho :(   
Daddydeaky: so long as no drugs he is allowed   
Daddydeaky: and Jim is allowed because we all like him and he is nice  
BeautifulBitch: woaaahhh!!!! That's my boyfriend you're talking about! His arms are mine!  
Sexy: lmao I kinda wanna touch his arms now to see what all the fuss is about  
BeautifulBitch: >:(   
Brian: can my physics friends come?  
BeautifulBitch: fine 🙄  
Sexy: ok so my friends are allowed   
Daddydeaky: if they don't have drugs they are allowed   
Daddydeaky: I'm serious anyone with drugs is kicked out! The baby is present  
Sexy: fine!!!!!   
Brian: Roger please ask people from your account because people like you most  
Brian: nobody is allowed to be too hungover because we have a show Saturday night remember   
Daddydeaky: oh yeah  
BeautifulBitch: can Joe come? He can make food   
Daddydeaky: yes invite who you want just no drugs


	13. my sperm is inevitable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party.

Brian: has anyone seen Freddie recently?  
Sexy: I haven't seen him since yesterday morning   
Brian: is he even gonna come to the party????   
Daddydeaky: I thought he was with Jim  
Sexy: well people are gonna start getting here soon   
Brian: Jim said he's meeting Freddie here   
Sexy: idek anymore...   
Daddydeaky: can anyone comfirm he's not dead or something  
Sexy: oh shit what if something happened??? He's always getting into situations  
Brian: it's probably Paul's fault  
Daddydeaky: how many hours has it been?  
Brian: 28 I think   
Daddydeaky: Roger has Freddie told you where he is?  
Sexy: if he had don't you think I would have said already   
Daddydeaky: i don't know, your his favourite he might have just told you or something   
Sexy: I'm not his favourite 🙄  
Brian: i think you are   
Brian: you two always have your own little inside jokes   
Sexy: well to understand some jokes you have to get to a level of drunk and high  
Daddydeaky: I guess you two are the most similar   
Brian: should we start looking for him?  
Brian: statistically it is critical to search as soon as possible   
Sexy: let's ask around first   
-sexy has added mary to the group-  
Mary: hello again   
Sexy: sorry to bother you but do you know where Fred is?  
Mary: it's Friday afternoon...  
Sexy: so  
Brian: OH I JUST REALISED   
Mary: he's with his family...  
Brian: he literally goes every week   
Brian: how did we forget???  
Daddydeaky: lol  
Brian: thank you Mary   
-Mary has left the chat-  
BeautifulBitch: I'm on my way back   
BeautifulBitch: darlings this is the funniest shit   
BeautifulBitch: you were that worried aw  
Sexy: 🖕 i wasn't worried   
BeautifulBitch: still my fav 😘  
Brian: lol   
Daddydeaky: you should probably get back soon cause I think people are arriving 

Brian: Freddie, please shut up everyone can hear you 

Daddydeaky: I'm daddy Deaky BITCH watch me dance   
Sexy: lmaooooa deak booooiggie  
Sexy: Bri wherw u at  
Daddydeaky: i M best now i impregnated a woman   
Daddydeaky: imma have baby im crying  
Sexy: lol dwkay cryin 

Sexy: I'm lost  
Sexy: whos fuckiug cabint is rgis  
Sexy: i think im in some othehr house  
Brian: Roger! What   
Sexy: nvm i realised i went in frsds room   
BeautifulBitch: hahahahahha   
BeautifulBitch: is anyone ekse in there?  
Sexy: yeha Paul is hauntijg it  
Sexy: and mary abd someone eles and a woman   
Brian: people are diong spin tge bottle in ny room   
Brian: an orgy is invetible  
Brian: inevitable   
Daddydeaky: my sperm is inevitable   
Sexy: hahaushsaaaaa deaky wtf  
BeautifulBitch: lmao  
BeautifulBitch: imma join orgy 👉👌🖖👌👈  
Sexy: same   
Daddydeaky: im goung to dance   
Brian: I'll come wiith 

Sexy: anyone knew wgere i can buy a gram???  
BeautifulBitch: Paul got soem   
Sexy: he never sells to me :(  
Daddydeaky: Mary's friend had some  
DaddyDeaky: BEFORE I SMOKED IT ALL!!!!!!!!  
Sexy: fuck off  
Sexy: imma just ask fucking prenter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long


End file.
